I’ve started four different blog posts tonight, but none of them are finished. Tonight, I am struggling to find the words to say as ideas swim around in my head. I’m suffering from writer’s block.
Throughout my life, I’ve periodically suffered from writer’s block. As a kid, writing was my greatest escape and then… I would lose my words. Suddenly, writing would not be a refuge, but a nightmare. In college, I’ve rarely taken time to write creatively, but when I’ve tried to journal, I have found myself unable to say anything.
I usually lose my words when I get stressed out. This is the time when I am craving the escape and joy that comes along with writing, but I can’t seem to reach the words to communicate the ideas I have in my head. They all sit on the tip of my tongue, but as I try to put them to paper, they all disappear.
I usually beat myself up when I get writer’s block. How can I be incapable of doing something I love so much? Why do I struggle so much in these times of stress with the one activity that should come naturally to me? How can I be so stupid to call myself a writer but have no words? How can I be so stupid, in general?
We’ve all been there. We bully ourselves because we didn’t meet an expectation we set for ourselves. We define ourselves by our ability to do one task and one task alone. And in these moments, we see ourselves as failures.
We are so much more than that though. I am not just a blog, but a person with struggles and experiences. My intelligence is far more than just the blog posts I publish and yet, I allow my inability to write to completely discount myself.
I want to change the way I talk to myself and view myself. This isn’t an easy task, but it’s essential on my self-care journey. Today, I’m telling myself that it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay that I missed a day of posting on the blog. It’s okay that I can’t find the words to describe all that I’m feeling right now.
I am allowed to struggle and it doesn’t mean I’m stupid or unworthy of love or respect.
It means I’m human and that’s okay.