Oh, I Believe in Yesterday

Oh, I Believe in Yesterday

Sometimes, we just wish for the past.  There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with our present, but something in us longs for an era gone by.  That’s the nostalgia kicking in.

My week started off with a midterm on Monday and has been followed by a packed schedule of interning, tutoring students, and juggling my extracurriculars with my academics.  It’s one of those weeks where there’s nothing really bad happening, but it still feels overwhelming. To add to matters, I’ve been starting to feel stir-crazy at school, just wanting to get out of Washington, D.C. for a little while and breathe.  What is this all the perfect recipe for? A lot of nostalgia for my Disney College Program.

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Working at Storybook Circus with two of my favorite people, Abbey and Amanda

My time at Disney wasn’t perfect and yet, there is nothing more that I yearn for at this moment.  I’m craving the winter days spent at water parks, the days spent laying on the Hub grass with a view of Cinderella Castle, and the unexpected perfectness of random days spent eating all the food Epcot had to offer.  It’s been six months since my program ended and as I’ve finally gotten used to school again, my time in Disney feels like nothing more than a fantasy I created. It’s become my perfect dream.

As I think about my time at Disney and this craving I have right now to go back, I wonder: is it the place I wish for or is it the people?  I have not seen many of my friends for six months now, with no end date to this separation in sight. As I think of the days I am looking at nostalgically, I realize it’s the people who make the stories so beautiful.

It’s ranting with Kelsey over noodles and ice cream.  It’s car rides home, singing Taylor Swift, with Julie. It’s the long talks at 2 AM with Destiny.  It’s gossiping with Sadia. It’s the smiles (and groans) that were shared with Jordan as we passed each other during a work day.  It’s the photoshoots with Jenn. It’s the laughter in the kitchen with Beth Anne. It’s the adventures with Kelly. It’s the random late nights with my coworkers who became my best friends.

I could go on for years, listing the name of each person who made my time at Disney so special.  I realize now that it’s not the Magic Kingdom nor the rollercoasters, not even Mickey or Minnie that I’m so badly craving and am nostalgic for.  It’s my people.

When it comes to feeling nostalgic, I think it’s important not to push those feelings away.  You long for a time for a reason: find that real reason, not just the surface one. However, don’t dwell on your longing.  You cannot live in the past and if you do, you miss out on the present.

I am grateful for my college program and I am so grateful for the people it brought into my life.  However, I will not dwell on my longing to be back in a day gone by. Rather, I will think of my friends and know that as Mickey always says, I’ll see ya real soon.

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Learning to Love the Little Moments

Learning to Love the Little Moments

Life gets so busy sometimes that I think we forget to live.  It feels like we are always jumping from one place to the next and never in the moment itself.  This weekend, I wanted to be different. I wanted to do things without thinking of the next seven-hundred places I had to go.  I wanted to spend time with my friends without feeling stressed. So, when my friend Pippa asked if I would go with her to the Poutinerie by Air Canada on Saturday, you know I said yes immediately.

I will be honest: I really didn’t know what poutine was except that I had seen it on Instagram a couple times.  I had no idea on what I was missing out on. I don’t know how or why I went my life without poutine but I don’t think we’re turning back now.

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While the food was delicious, the most enjoyable part of this spontaneous weekend trip was spending time with my good friend.  We both are obsessed with Christmas and believe it should start as early as possible so, we enjoyed taking winter-photos in this pop-up Canada booth.

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After we had finished with our poutine and our photoshoot, we moved to Philz coffee across the street, where I found my new favorite coffee blend called Philtered Soul, which is a chocolate and hazelnut mix.  We went and spent some time in Dupont Circle, enjoying the crisp air and feeling of Christmas that we both had. It was a wonderful, slow day with a wonderful friend.

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My Sunday started off busier than my Saturday.  I had a midterm on Monday and a list of meetings I had to get to throughout the day.  I craved the ability to just live in the moment like I had the day before, but my best moments came when I took some seconds to breathe.  I spent just fifteen minutes with a friend I don’t see often anymore and even that short time felt like a breath of fresh air in my life.

I studied with a friend and even though we both were stressed, I find that I often never laugh quite as much as I do during a study session.  There’s really no timeline to a study session and in those rough moments of stressful memorization of concepts, there’s a freeness that doesn’t happen all the time.  When I look at the last two years, so many of my happiest moments were while doing homework or studying with friends.

I think we all take these little moments for granted.  We don’t think about how priceless the laughter and smiles are.  We don’t take time to give thanks for having beautiful, wonderful people in our lives.  We are always so busy looking forward to the next event that we miss out on everything. I want to end this weekend round-up with a Chinese proverb.

 

Enjoy yourself.  It’s later than you think.

 

A Letter to My Mom on Her Birthday

A Letter to My Mom on Her Birthday

There is no one like mom.  My mom is my world: she’s the first person I want to share my successes with and the person who I know I can call when life falls apart.  She’s the one who has been silently cheering me on since I was small. I don’t say these things to her enough, even at all. I should.

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With self-care, we often look at it as a tool to make the hard parts of life easier but it should also be a tool to recognize the great parts of our lives.  One part of self-care is recognizing those who love us and we’re most grateful to. That’s what this post is about today: recognizing the crazy amount of love and care my mother has given to be.  I felt the best way to do this is a letter.

 

Dear Mom,

I wish I could tell you how much I want to be with you today.  It breaks my heart to hear you say that today is just an ordinary day when it is far from ordinary– it is your birthday, and that is very special to me.  I don’t tell you often enough how special you are to me. It’s hard for me to exactly describe what you mean to me, but I want to try.

In elementary school, you had to come countless times to pick me up from the school nurse’s office because I had gotten myself injured somehow.  You didn’t yell about my clumsiness. You didn’t tell me to stop my tears. You held my hand through it all.

In middle school, when I came home from school crying, you were there.  You sat and listened to me cry about how girls could so cruel. You comforted me as I felt alone and confused in my friendships.  You stayed through it all.

In high school, you dealt with all my mood swings.  You supported me when I achieved success and listened when I failed.  You sometimes yelled, but you never judged. You listened to it all.

In college, things have been different.  I don’t get to go home everyday and sit with you and tell you about my day.  Still, you care. You read this blog every day, you follow up on everything I tell you, even the silly, nonsensical things. You care for it all.

Our relationship isn’t without its flaws.  At times, I feel I am too similar to you to bear, with us both getting irritated at seeing our own faults front and center. Sometimes, I envy the ease of your relationship with my sister, where you don’t have to overcome this similarity.  But these negatives mean nothing when compared to all the love within our relationship. These faults do not stop us from loving or caring for each other. They make our relationship human– it is perfectly imperfect and true.

I hope you know how much you mean to me.  I would not be the person I am today without your unfaltering love and support.  You are my greatest influence and you make me a stronger, better person. If I can live my life giving out to the world just half the love you have given me, I will have lived a great life.

Thank you.  I love you.

 

Today, I challenge us to all to recognize those who give us unconditional love and the effect it has had on our lives.  There are so many people who love us, with no terms or conditions, and they make us better. They pull us through our rough times and into the light.  We cannot achieve self-care or self-love without recognizing these amazing people in our lives who make everything possible.

 

Where I’m Meant to Be

Where I’m Meant to Be

Sometimes, we just feel stuck.  There’s no way around it: we feel like our life has hit a point where nothing is moving.  Maybe, we’ve become complacent and stopped trying or maybe, we keep trying to change things but end up standing in the same place every day anyway.  No matter what, it’s frustrated when you wake up one day, look around, and wonder if this is your life now.

It’s okay to be unsatisfied when you feel stuck, even when you acknowledge that your life is good the way it is.  It’s okay to still be searching for something else. Life is a journey and part of that journey involves accepting that sometimes, we won’t be happy even when we feel we should be.  Listen to yourself and trust your feelings. If you feel you need to travel the world to change your life, then travel. If you are working and feel called to go back to school, do it.  Follow the path you feel you belong on.

This fall, I made one of the hardest decisions I have ever made: I chose not to study abroad in Edinburgh, Scotland, and instead, remain at Georgetown for the spring semester.  Studying abroad has been something I have wanted to do my entire life and I fell in love with the idea of studying European history at the University of Edinburgh. But when I looked at my life, I realized that if I chose to go study abroad, I would, in fact, be stuck.

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It seems that for now, the closest I will get to Scotland is Disney’s UK pavilion.

It sounds crazy: how would going abroad make me more stuck in my life than staying at Georgetown for the semester?  Well, it’s complicated. Last fall, I fell into college stress culture and when the opportunity to go to Disney knocked on my door, I grabbed at it and never looked back.  I will never regret that decision but knowing I was going away for eight months changed the way I looked at things for the rest of my fall semester. Everything felt like it was transient and nothing in my life felt permanent.

When I went to Disney, I often felt like I was living in a dream.  It was all just a break from my own reality. I remember on one of the final days of my program, I said to my roommate that I had loved this program so much but that I needed to get back to my life. I needed to go back to school and back to the organizations I loved.  

I went home to New York for the summer and then back to DC in the fall.  I came back to campus and felt like I had to play catch-up. Everyone’s lives had moved on, while I felt I had hit the pause button on mine.  The first few weeks back were hard– I had missed so much of my friends’ lives and it seemed in some ways, I couldn’t catch back up. Despite my belief that my life had been paused, it hadn’t been.  I had changed and so had my friends. Some of us changed too much to be compatible anymore.

I know: this all sounds like a reason to go abroad.  School was hard and Scotland was another dream of mine.  But, that’s the very reason why I couldn’t go abroad. In six months, I had lived in three different cities, each one being my home now.  Each one felt like I was there, the problems of the others faded away and paused. I could jump from world to world and never feel responsibility in any; in no world did I have real roots set to the ground.  And, not being tied down is nice except for when you long to have one place that when you think of home, you can picture.

If I went to Scotland, it would be four cities in one year.  It would be four different worlds for me to jump between. It would be two years of my life where I never lived in one place for longer than six months.  It would be another pause on my reality. And I knew that if I chose to go abroad, I wouldn’t grow because I would be stuck in my own personal cycle. I needed to try to set down roots for a little while, to make a place I call home.

This story is long, complicated, and hard for me to tell.  Sometimes, we just have to do what we know we need in our life at that moment, even if it’s a hard decision.  We need to think about how we can move our lives forward and keep bettering ourselves. We need to listen to ourselves, no matter how crazy our ideas may be, and follow through with the path we see set forth for us.

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For now, where I’m meant to be is right here in Washington, D.C.
My Fall Favorites

My Fall Favorites

The leaves are falling, the air feels crisp, and the holidays are starting to begin.  It is my favorite season– fall. After having had what feels like an endless summer since January, I am ready for these colder temperatures and cozy vibes.  To celebrate the beginning of fall, I’m sharing my top three fall items and fall activities.

Fall Items

  • A good infinity scarf.  I got my infinity scarf ordering off of Amazon Prime and I am absolutely in love with it.  I love scarves that are pretty but are really cozy and this is one of those.

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  • A chunky chenille blanket.  I love wrapping myself up into what I call a blanket burrito when I come home from class in the fall and this type of blanket is so perfect for that.  This type of blanket is so warm and comfortable and is perfect for staying home and cuddling up with a book (or netflix) and a cup of hot chocolate. My blanket is actually handmade by a wonderful family friend, but I’m linking to a similar blanket that you can find on sale at Pottery Barn right now.

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  • An adorable mug. I have a bit of a problem and it’s that I am absolutely obsessed with mugs.  I can never have too many, but I end up using the same one or two over and over again for my tea, coffee, and hot chocolate.  I’m currently using my Anthropologie Homegrown Monogram Mug from a few years ago, but I am eyeing this home state mug on their website right now.

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Fall Activities

 

  • Exploring the local area.  I think fall weather is the best weather to be outside in and I love going to places I haven’t visited before in the fall.  When I went home to New York a few weeks ago, I went apple picking with my mom and sister and then explored a local fall festival.  This past weekend, my family visited me and we went out to Mount Vernon to visit George Washington’s estate. Everything is prettier in the fall with the leaves falling so I think there is no better time to get to know where you are.

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  • Netflix Binges.  I might be jumping the gun a bit, but I believe Christmas season starts on November 1 so I’m already binging all the best Hallmark Christmas movies.  If you are more traditional in your take on when Christmas begins, then I suggest watching The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. It is such an addicting show and is only ten hours long, so you can easily do that in on a rainy weekend where you don’t quite feel like going out.
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My Friday afternoon Netflix binge feat. my La Croix

 

  • Drinking hot chocolate and tea.  I love iced lattes more than anyone, but in fall, I switch away from my classic drink and move towards hot chocolate and tea.  Recently, I’ve gotten really into grabbing a hot chocolate somewhere on campus and just walking around and enjoying the scenery.  It’s such a nice way to relax and find my center.